Highs and Lows

     So I lied, totally said I was gonna kick my butt into shape and hold myself accountable for "tattletale Tuesdays" and Yep, I didn't do it even once. I could go into how busy life has been and how honestly I just completely forgot about my blog in the mist of all the chaos that has been life lately...but I wont. Okay I lied again, I totally just told ya'll the very thing I said I wouldn't.
     So shit has been crazy lately ya'll. And really, it's probably not all that exciting to anyone as a reader but here's a simple run down.

• Week 13 of training for the new job is finally done and I passed. Actually, I ended my classes with a 98.6 something %. Pretty bad ass if I do say so myself. But I don't think anyone in my training class actually ever cared about the final grades as long as you passed.
• I'm officially case assignable for work! Woo-hoo! 
• The chaos of being back and forth between home and Lubbock Texas has been rough. My  poor kids are so tired of not having a routine...so routine, here we come!
• Along the lines of all the travel, living away from home back and forth did a number on my waist line and on the numbers on those scales.
• The above mentioned numbers along with the demands of my job and the harsh realities of what the kids on my case load have experienced has kind of slowly pushed me into a not-so-happy place.
• Said not-so-happy place, really seems to feel a lot like a bout of depression.
• Said possible bought of depression is scaring me to death and giving me anxiety
• I'm a total cluster fuck right now, seriously.

In the mean time...

• My best friend has basically gone M.I.A (on the tails of me being pretty hurt by things she said which I know she doesn't even realize she said...not sure if that makes it worse or better). 
• My hubby is constantly stressed, totally hates his job because he basically babysits grown adults who can't seem to display any logic or common sense.
• He wants out of this base desperately.
• I want out of this house desperately.
• The husband has a PT (physical fitness test) tomorrow and he isn't feeling confident. I'm starting to spazz.
• The husband managed to nail a hole into a pipe into our wall...the pipe happens to run all the water and "waste" through this pipe. Said pipe subsequently leaked under our floor boards and now floor boards need to be pulled up and Yay base housing is trying to charge us...whew.

Does it make any sense to buy a house in a place we both are certain we don't want to be?...Probably not. 

Let's get back to some high's, I don't want to end this on a bad note...

• I don't know if other moms have these moments, I'm sure they do or I'm just a big cry baby but when I drop my son off at school and I watch him walk away I get kind of emotional. He's so big, he's walking away...one day he will walk away from our home, and my arms. Sigh. Anyhow, one evening while I was talking to him before bed he started to tear up (yes, my son wears his heart on his sleeve-i love this and am exhausted by this) and explained to me that when I drop him off at school he walks away and when he looks back and see's me it makes him sad because he already misses me.  Is that not the most beautiful thing an eight year old son could say to his mom?  
• The husband thought above story was "silly". This didn't sit well with me. 
• Both my kiddos started gymnastics today. They both did so well and Emme was pretty much ADORABLE in her little gymnastics outfit. Little does she know that those uber cute pudgy thighs and round tummy probably won't be so cute in 15 years. She better embrace them now. 

So that's my life right now. Just trying to hang on to something...I hope you all have found something to hold on to as well. Or maybe that you don't need that something because you're totally rocking it.

Either way,

Tattle Tell Tuesdays an intro.

     So in my personal mission to hold myself accountable in trying to lose some of this weight ive gained, Ive decided that Tuesdays will now be tattle tell tuesdays! So on Tuesdays I plan to post about the previous week including workouts /i did...or didnt do and being honest about how ive been eating. Basically its going to be a weekly post of the good, the bad, and the ugly of my weight loss journey.
     For me, Im hoping this accountability will help me stay focused and motivated. Im not sure that there is anyone out there who even reads my blog, but if there is someone out there that does and wants to share some comments for tattle tell tuesday then please by all means do so!
     Ive considered being super dooper honest and even posting the dreaded number...you know, my weight...but to be truthful, Im just not quite there yet. I will do this though...in my adult life the most ive weighed is 240 pounds. It was not pretty folks, not at all! After I kicked my ass and became incredibly focused on getting healthy, I made it down to 160 pounds. My ultimate goal was 150 pounds though those bmi and health chart things always suggested that I would still be considered overweight until I made it down to 140 pounds. Personally I dont put too much stock in those charts...but to each their own. Im trying to be patient with myself right now and Im finding that being patient is incredibly difficult. But isnt that the game with weight loss?  It certainly plays a big role in why so many people quit trying after just a short time.  Weightloss not only requires discipline and exertion when it comes to working out and making healthy choices, but it also requires one to be very honest with oneself and extremely patient. Tenacity...thats the word for it.
     Heres wishing whomever may be reading this a healthy weekend. And heres to reminding myself that small choices lead to big changes....over a long period of time.

Goal for this weekend: two workouts, healthy food choices.