The SAHM VS.The WM

     This subject keeps coming up over and over again and each time I come across it I'm compelled to say something but never find the time. Before I get into it, keep in mind that I have been a stay at home mom for several years in the past. Meanwhile, I am currently a full-time working mom. Now that I've gotten that out there...
The topic...SAHM's VS. Working Mom's. SAHM= Stay At Home Mom. I keep seeing posts on Facebook and articles and blog posts from Stay at Home Moms about how rough being a stay at home mom is and in particular these articles seem to want to point out how under appreciated the role of a SAHM is and how those around them never seem to realize how much work SAHM's do throughout the day. Let me give credit where credit is due. Being a stay at home mommy is hard work. Taking care of children, whatever their age, is hard, time consuming, exhausting and many times it's thankless. The thank you's often come in unexpected moments between washing hands, doing laundry, helping with an art project, deterring a fight between siblings and stacking yourself up as a mother next to the over-achieving and all too put together moms you see on tv, read about on blogs, and even view on your own social media news feeds. Stay at Home Moms do a LOT of work. Sometimes being a SAHM is a choice and other times it's not. Whatever the case may be, those who do it and do it well deserve a pat on the back.
But here is where my frustration comes in. I'm now a working mom. I have an incredibly demanding job that is very stressful and demands a lot of personal responsibility for choices I have to make in regards to the people/children I work with every day. Despite my best intentions, sometimes it is impossible not to take my work home with me. And I often work 50-65 hours a week. When I get home I'm greeted with a 9 year old who is angry that he has homework corrections to make. I am also greeted by my 4 year old who demands my attention constantly and has little concern for her older brothers homework. I look around the house between math problems and am mentally tallying up all the chores that need to be done around the home in order to keep things caught up and make sure everyone has clean clothes for the next day. The husband in the interim is trying to figure out how to ask me "what's for dinner" without really saying it because he knows I loathe cooking. Then my work cell phone is ringing and I'm looking at it trying to decide if I should answer it. Meanwhile my little one is asking for a snack and for me to play play-doh with her. Does anyone else hate play-doh as much as I do? My doll never keeps the colors separated and always wants to drag her new play-doh sculpture all around the house and most especially onto the new couches with her. I'm listening to my husband tell me about his day and what days he may have to be out of town for work (he's in the military) while i'm trying to mentally sort through my own schedule for work and determine which days I will be out of town....it's all a big, chaotic mess. We get through the homework, get a snack into the 4 year old's tummy. I sort through the mail, clean up the kitchen and house. Laundry is started and I've gone through the 9 year olds assignments that were shoved in his backpack. I'm folding laundry and thinking about what the heck I can put together for dinner. All the while I'm thinking that I really need to work out but at the same time I have at least two hours of work to do and if I could only get things caught up at work then I could get back to normalcy at home. This is a dream because things will never be caught up at my work. The minute I cross one thing off my to-do list, I have 4 or 5 emails just coming in each asking for me to do something else and of course they all want it done by today...or tomorrow if I'm lucky. Meanwhile, my little is begging me to acknowledge her new Lego sculpture which is a cake for the "surprise party" she is planning in that imaginatively over active head of hers. All the while, all I can think of  is how she really needs my attention and she deserves it. And by the way, the 9 year old is upstairs completely secluding himself which is his normal. I feel so overwhelmingly guilty because I can't do it all but my kids deserve my time.
     My point is that as a working mom I'm not only doing everything the stay at home mom is doing, but I'm doing that on top of a more than full time work week. I get so frustrated when I hear or see stay at home mom's begging for kudos for how hard their stay at home work load is. I've done both now and though I'm not saying one side deserves more kudos than the other...I am saying (and unregretfully saying this loud and proud) that being a working mom is so much more difficult than being a SAHM. It demands that I play both roles. I finish my work day with just enough time to start my SAHM work day. I go to bed thinking of all that needs to be accomplished at work this week and how I can do this while still assuring my children that their mom is present and in the moment with them.
     Is it so bad to say all of this. To put these words out there for whomever to see? I'm sure there are SAHM's who will say i'm bashing them though that is not my intention. I say kudos to you SAHM's who do it well. But I guess what I am saying is that for those working mom's who are doubling the duties...you all KICK ASS! And you all deserve all those Kudos and more. Keep your chin up.

Always,
Amy

hold on

     Life is still crazy. Maybe when you become a career mom, life doesn't settle down until retirement? Or maybe it's just this job. The 60 hour work weeks have really taken a hit on my desire to do anything outside of my house. Let's be honest, I'm doing what I can to keep my house clean and give what little of myself I have left to my kiddos. I'm still hopeful that at some point I'm going to get myself together again.
     In the meantime I think I may finally be getting back on track with my health. It's been a roller coaster over the past 8 or so months. I had a doctor's appointment this past week and hopefully this new direction will help me get myself back to being me. I've had my husbands support all the way but somehow in the mean time one of my closest friendships over the past two years has dissipated. I've given it a good second try but just sort of felt like all I got out of it was a headache and walked away not really knowing what I had said sorry for. When you follow that up with digs regarding my sons accomplishments and other nonsense, I'm just not sure that its worth the emotional toil of trying to restore this friendship. Not that I no longer care, but how difficult should it be to maintain a friendship?
     After seeing my doctor this week though, I feel like maybe this will be the fix that I'm hoping for. And just that little bit of hope is encouraging me to keep trying. Hey anything you can hold onto right?